Transcendent

Elliana has been trying to make sense of the whole concept of death. She is often perplexed about it, especially when she sees a relative in pictures and learns that she cannot meet them. Naturally, this works its way into her play. So, when she informed me that both her parents were dead, in an attempt to help her understand the permanence of it, I responded by saying "I'm so sorry. That's very sad."

She looked at me, quite seriously, and said "AND terrible" as if making sure I understood the gravity of the situation. So, I thought we'd made some headway.

She then proceeded to fill me in on the rest:

"My babysitter died too. And all my Grandpeople. And months and months passed but they didn't get better. So, I'm going to take a hot air balloon to go visit them. I know how to visit them."

True to form, this conversation went in a direction I'd never suspected.

Inside Scoop

While we were preparing dinner, Elliana was in the living room with my mom. They were coloring and having a heart-to-heart about some of the changes in our lives this year. My mom commented on how it must be hard, sometimes, alluding to the challenge of having two baby sisters. Elliana's response was:

"It's tough to live here sometimes. We have some real characters around here."

As she said that, she rolled her eyes in our direction. Apparently, she's been putting up with us.

You Fool

Me, of course.

Elliana has basically abandoned her little potty for a bigger throne. So, you can imagine my surprise when she lifted up the lid to reveal a gelatinous substance with a wad of paper stuck in the middle. Apparently, she’d peed quite a while ago and it had never been emptied. The odor was sickening.

So, I quickly whisked the potty pail downstairs to be sanitized. It occurred to me, in a fleeting thought, that it could be dangerous to leave the potty accessible when the pail wasn’t in place. This is especially true because it’s not immediately obvious if the pail is absent. I have to admit, the thought crossed my mind more than once, which should have told me I was on to something. Instead, I dismissed it to attend to more pressing matters. The pail sat, idle, for days.

Along came Wednesday, and with it Elliana was in rare form. She was wound up and ended up spending some time in her room to calm down so we could all coexist safely (a.k.a. not harm her sisters by insane indoor gymnastics or “accidentally” biting one of them). The retreat didn’t seem to bother her at all, and soon she was immersed with dollhouse play.

After a little while, I went upstairs to have a discussion with Elliana about safely playing with her little sisters. However, by the time I was on the top stair, I could see she was fervently trying to clean up her carpet. She looked relieved to see me.

While she’d been playing, she had needed a stool in order to access a portion of her dollhouse. So, she took the bathroom stool into her room. Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be a problem. However, this wasn’t just any stool. It’s the famous potty that doubles as a step stool.  During the course of play, she must have needed to go to the bathroom and decided there was no reason to leave her bedroom since she already had a potty right there.

The pee rode the curve that was intended to hug the potty pail and sailed out onto the carpet. I could see where it clung to the base of the potty and created a puddle line. Elliana also had a partially drenched towel in her hand. Had she saved ALL her pee from the last 12 hours for this?!

There was no time to discuss the downstairs incident, as the carpet needed attention quickly. I extracted the potty from the bedroom and returned it to the bathroom. Then, I raced around for supplies to remove all traces of the urine that now decorated her bedroom floor.

Truly, I had this coming. I didn’t know how, or when, but by leaving the main component of this unit MIA for days…something was bound to happen. Now, I know what.

For Spencer

This year, we renewed our wedding vows, silently, through actions. 

When we learned we were blessed with twins, we shared our surprise and delight.  Then, we spent the next five months trying to manage our world as I struggled with Hypermesis. I limped through daily life, my part-time job, a grad class, and parenting Elliana, while Spencer lifted what I couldn’t, shopped, cooked, and renovated our garage.

After the nausea finally subsided, it was followed by blurred vision and instructions to limit activity. Spencer regularly reminded me to be cautious and became super-husband as he whirled around picking up and preparing.

Finally, I had intense swelling and was put on bedrest. Spencer, along with our super-team of tremendous supporters (especially family and Nanaville), did all that I could not.

Until, at last, Spencer and I welcomed our babies into this world.

Twelve hours later, he waited anxiously as I was rushed to the OR. After two days, and two blood transfusions, I was still so weak that I struggled to hold our babies. Their combined weight was less than 11 lbs. I faced 6-9 months before normal energy levels would resume.

And so, we moved forward.

Three and a half months later, I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease. Spencer continued to cook, clean, and parent as my muscles, joints, and nervous system were taken hostage by this persistent disease. He picked up side jobs when I was too sick to work. We muddled through.

After months of debilitating weakness, I am finally on the road to recovery. 

As our bond grew stronger, so did appreciation for our support system. We are forever grateful to the skilled doctors, kind strangers, and our group of Ville friends. Most importantly, we are indebted to many of our wedding guests. Perhaps more important than witnessing our marriage celebration, they have helped lift us up, and keep us strong.

And, for the times when everyone went home, and it was just us, thank you. It was hard. It is hard. I learned how to accept help. We grew.

In sickness and in health

For richer or poorer

I love this beautiful family we created together.

Parenting 101

I just scored a flying F. I may as well tattoo it on my forehead.  This one may haunt me.

It was naptime, and Spencer and I were both home. He was in the twins’ room and I had been running some dirty diapers and clothes downstairs. I overheard Spencer asking Elliana what she was doing in the bathroom. So, on one of my rounds, I poked my head in and found her on the little potty (which doubles as a step stool). Apparently, she’d decided she needed to use that potty. She looked up at me through the crack in the door, solemnly said “I need privacy”, and closed the door.  I mentioned, to the door, that this was ok but it would need to be cleaned up after (aka empty the potty pail into the big potty afterwards).

Spencer was sure that this was going to be a problem. I, on the other hand, thought it might all be fine. I ran my last armful of clothing downtairs and returned to find Spencer no longer with the babies. Instead, he was at the bathroom door with his mouth hanging wide open and making gagging sounds.

By the time I entered the room, all three of us were staring into the sink. There, plopped right across the drain was an enormous poop. In Elliana’s left hand was the potty pail that collects the waste. In her right hand, and trailing on the floor, was a full-sized bath towel that was wet and poopy.  Apparently, she’d been trying to clean the potty pail but had failed to empty it into the toilet first.

So, in this crucial moment, with no time to spare, I did the WORST thing. It was one of those uncontrollable urges to laugh in response to a shocking situation.  It seized me and took on a life of its own. Between gasps, and poorly concealed giggles, I began guiding Elliana through the clean-up. 

Under normal circumstances, this would be bad. However, Elliana lives to entertain. And, I caught a glimmer in her eye as soon as she saw me laugh. The more I tried to hide it the more the corners of her mouth turned up.

Spencer quickly escorted me out of the room and redirected me to twin nap duty.  I am weak-kneed at the potential repercussions of what just happened.

God help me.

Suit Up

The familiar sound of Elliana’s feet on the stairs greeted me this morning. Yet, her voice reached me before her body did. She called me by first name, as she sometimes does, and proceeded to announce:

“Actually, I peed in my bed.”

Even before entering the room, she assured me that she’d taken care of it. This had my mind racing about all of the potential repercussions to what she just shared. I was about to inquire, but she wasn’t done sharing.

As I turned to see her, indeed, in a fresh set of pajamas, she revealed the rest.

“And, I didn’t want to wear pull-ups, so I put on an under-suit.”

She followed this by lowering her pajama pants to reveal a pair of bathing suit bottoms. They were neon green and aqua with a fairly large ruffle. Apparently, this was the closest thing to “big-girl-underwear” that she could locate.

Then, in a whisper voice, she tilted her head and said “The pull-ups were sleeping”.

20-Minute Dash

I overslept. We ALL overslept. I vaguely remember Spencer waking me to say goodbye. The next thing I knew, Elliana was requesting breakfast. Twincy was curled up next to me, sound asleep. Twinjay, I could now hear, was downstairs crying. I had no idea how long she’d been up, but she was crying LOUD, and I felt AWFUL.  That poor baby! Time to apply a thick layer of guilt impenetrable by reason.

Normally, Elliana’s routine is to go potty and get dressed before heading downstairs. Of course, she chose today to announce she wanted to eat first. That always slows things down and there simply wasn’t time to spare. We all had to get ready, and out the door, ASAP. This meant dressed, breakfast, diaper changes, nursing, the whole works. The likelihood of this happening without a late arrival to school was slim. However, I wasn’t willing to admit defeat yet. And, I am pretty sure I was sleep-walking.

So, I raced downstairs to rescue poor, sad, Twinjay. She quickly cheered (though, even as I write, I still feel bad) and I began changing her diaper. Of course, Twinjay was soaked and needed to be completely changed. She is masterful at detaching her diaper, even through a onesie. I, on the other hand, am not as skilled at re-closing the diaper through clothing. So, I was in a major race against time.

Now, Twincy’s clothes were dry but, while changing, she began to pee. She’s a champion pee-er and I found myself hurrying to secure the diaper in time. It’s not that I wanted her to be stuck in a wet diaper, but I really wanted to avoid another outfit change. I thought something was working my way until I sat her up and realized the pee had gone all over her back. And so, outfit change it was.

Meanwhile, Elliana was firmly resisting bathroom duties with her usual “Pee doesn’t come out!” retort. I calmly reminded her that she needed to try, and also get dressed, before breakfast. To that, her face clouded over and she disappeared into the bathroom. I was NOT confident that she was doing anything productive in there. Trying to speed up a three-year-old is a losing battle.

I returned to something I thought might be more successful – feeding the babies. With no time to get the nursing pillow, I propped them up in bed the best I could. Normally, the two are pretty on-task, but this time Twincy decided to alternate nursing with deep, soul-searching stares. Now, I am ALL for bonding with my children but this was so NOT the time for a leisurely feed!

I had to prematurely end the “session” to locate Elliana. She had decided she needed help with all her morning tasks (after all, her sisters do get that service!). With no time to disagree, and a dizzy feeling taking over me (yes, in major need of food and water), I found myself traipsing upstairs to assist. She was satisfied by my company and complied for everything, even tooth brushing.

Still, there was breakfast to be had, hair to comb, a car to warm, and all 3 kids needed to get into carseats. Not to mention, today was the rare day I scheduled for a friend to visit. Even better, our house looked like a place where laundry goes to die, and my father-in-law was scheduled to arrive in a few hours. 

 

After gathering food for Elliana to eat en-route, I determined that I too must eat or risk doing a face-plant. I seized the box of Raisin Bran and managed to stab a few spoonfuls in while Elliana wasn’t looking.  This was so NOT modeling eating at the table with careful chewing.  Finally, we were out the door!

As if wishing for speed gifted me with delays, I hit the next roadblock. By the time we got to the car, Elliana insisted that she do her own carseat buckle. WHY couldn’t she have exercised this independence INSIDE the house??!? Because, I tell myself, that would have been easy.

After she was secured, I hopped into the driver’s seat and proceeded to glue my stubborn hairs down with Neutrogena Hand Cream.  This guaranteed that fifteen minutes later I’d look like I hadn’t showered in four days. It also cancelled any possibility of skipping a shower before KT arrived. However, my focus was on getting Elliana to school. We were on our way and I was in the zone.

…

For the record, we were totally late.