Ho Hum

Lest you think things have gotten dull around here, I assure you that's not the case. Twincy and Twinjay are now mobile. It's that scary, almost-walking, mode of transportation. They scale furniture and walls while simultaneously emptying bookshelves and bins. The end result is a near death trap at every turn.

Meanwhile, Elliana has all but given up napping. While I first met this phase with extreme denial, there is a silver lining. She is sleeping better at night now.

As for the rents, we don't exactly qualify as rested. Spencer, in particular, seems to be in need of more sleep. This is highlighted by two almost back-to-back incidents:

1. I was heading off to work one day and I heard someone honking and yelling. I looked in the rearview mirror and confirmed that it was the car directly behind my vehicle. However, I couldn't figure out what they were yelling about. I finally figured out that they thought my purse was on the back of the car. Clearly, this was not true. My purse was behaving itself in the passenger seat. Still, the yeller seemed near-frantic. So, I got out of the car and, lo and behold, there was a pottery mug and a lunch bag still sitting upright on the trunk of the car. They had made it out the driveway and down the hill intact! And, you guessed it, they belong to my weary husband.

2. The other night, as I came downstairs from putting Twincy and Twinjay down, I heard a semi-racket in the kitchen. Then, Spencer's head and arms appeared at the window as he huffed and puffed and pulled himself through head first. I was surprised, and perplexed, as he explained that he was locked out and had been running around trying to find an open window. This would make sense, except he'd crawled in two feet away from a wide open screen door.

Tired much?

Elixir of the Gods

So, our second "night" away from the kids since Twincy and Twinjay were born was spent at the ER. And, once I was able to carry on a conversation, I learned a trivia nugget from our chatty nurse that is definitely worth sharing.

Apparently, the nurse was a fraternal twin and her mother had used Clomid when trying to conceive. Now, I wasn't familiar with Clomid, but nurse chatty was eager to fill me in. The secret ingredient? Urine from Italian nuns!

That's right, friends, Google that!

Creative License

After working hard on an art project, and fringing the edges with scissors, which are her most recent craze, Elliana announced

"Whatever it is, it's finished"

Being 4

On the car ride to school today, I overheard our neighbor telling Elliana:

"Hey Elliana, when I need gum, I get it from my nose"

I am still cringing...

Truth

Spencer has an excellent sense of humor and he LOVES getting me to laugh. Tonight, as I was getting ready for bed, the usual happened: a baby cried. This is inevitable. It doesn't matter what time I choose to lay down. They sleep on a different floor, there is no routine "sound" that I've made yet. It's as though they hear my thoughts. And, lately, Spencer has been sharing more of the night-waking duties.  Twincy and Twinjay are NOT on board for that plan. They let him know, under no uncertain terms, that they are mad. Oh yes, 2am is not too early in their book to spend an hour protesting.

This evening, when I came back downstairs, I noticed the laptop was slightly open. Curiosity got the best of me, as Spencer must have banked on, so I took a peek. There was Spencer's message, filling the entire screen:

Dear Twins,

What did we ever do to you?

Love,

I am Ass-tired

Beating Around the Bush

We were sitting in the living room, playing, and I began to sing. It wasn't loud, or obtrusive, so I thought.

Within seconds, Elliana looked me square in the eyes and said, as though just delivering a message:

"If you sing, there will be a fire drill and you'll have pain"

It worked. I stopped instantly, mostly from shock. I have to hand it to her, she sure knows how to give it to you straight.

Stuff It

Dear Twinjay,

The world is not meant to be your buffet. Labels should not adorn the roof of your mouth. Paper is not a precursor for chewing gum. Balled up string, fuzz, and random pebbles should not be keeping your tongue company. And, the crumbs from Elliana's chocolate dessert were not intended to multi-purpose as a snack, lipstick, and body paint.

Please, please, give it a rest.

Love,

Mama

What Goes In...

I have been blessed, yet again,  with a child who puts EVERYTHING in her mouth. Yes, I know babies put things in their mouths. But, I see other kids. I talk to other moms. This is bordering on "you can never turn your back or close your eyes, ever, unless she is asleep".

Unlike the puffy ladybug sticker, which arrived fully in-tact in Twinjay's poopy diaper, this time I caught her red-handed. Literally.

I was in the kitchen getting lunch ready. When I circled back through the living room, I was greeted by red. Twinjay had red on her hands, her mouth, and she was obviously eating something. To my horror, I realized it was a pastel that had fallen out of Elliana's art supplies.

Oh, yes, within seconds I had her on her back with her nose pinched shut to unclamp that mouth. Her saliva and the paper towel extended the life of the pastel like only an artist could enjoy. I, on the other hand, was having a very hard time determining how much of this seemingly endless product had been ingested.

Poison Control suggested I give her liquids to dilute it and watch her for an hour to see if her stomach hurt. That was super helpful. I am sure my 11-month old teething baby with a head cold is going to make a specific new cry just to let me know it's her tummy that's bothering her.

The pediatrician's office referred me back to Poison Control. The Internet made my head swim. My sister provided remote moral support.

I was left with following PC's uber-helpful advice while bracing myself for the potential repercussions of this act. I can only imagine Spencer's reaction if Twinjay starts peeing, pooping, or vomiting red.

Jackpot

Given how things have been going lately, I'm almost a shoe-in for the next lottery. Literally, my luck is off the charts. So, those of you who had planned on getting tickets may want to step aside. Let the inevitable happen...a windfall in my direction.

....

Elliana has become enchanted with hide and seek. Each time a visitor comes to the house, she plans out a hiding space far in advance. As her accomplice, I often notify her when someone arrives. Then, quietly, I let the friend know that they just walked into a hide-and-seek zone.

Yesterday, when Miss P arrived at the end of naptime, I went upstairs to wake Elliana so she could hide. As I approached the landing, I was greeted by a foul smell. So, I took a detour to inspect the bathroom. There, in all its glory, was a toilet FILLED with diarrhea. And, oddly, no toilet paper.

Elliana's room was dark and quiet, so I entered cautiously. There she was, cocooned under her bedsheets, already hiding for Miss P. I whispered to her about the bathroom and she agreed that she had just gone (shocker).  Then, I asked if she'd remembered to wipe.

The bedsheet came away from her face. Her eyes looked worried and apologetic. The answer was no.

I am SO LUCKY!!!

Get Your Munch On

This winter, we kept a box of apples on the front porch. For some reason, we ate them more frequently than when they were on the kitchen counter. Not surprisingly, so did the neighborhood squirrels. However, the humans depleted the supply at a much quicker rate. Only occasionally did we see a partially enjoyed stray apple sitting in the middle of the porch or yard.

It wasn’t until we got down to the last two apples that there seemed to be real competition. By this point, the squirrels had also become very bold. Instead of moving the apple to a new snacking location, they now ate the apple while it was in the box. I caught one red-handed.

Catching one in the act turned my stomach a bit. I didn’t mind sharing the fruit but I wanted distinctly different eating areas. So, I decided to snatch the last untouched apple and bring it inside for a thorough cleaning. By the time I was done, I still wasn’t convinced, so I removed the peel. I understand this may have been excessive, but there are many things in my life these days that are out of my control. So, I took this opportunity to channel my inner cleaning demon.

Unsurprisingly, Elliana asked why I had removed the apple peel from her slices. I simply explained with a diluted version of squirrels, people food, and a concern for germs. She seemed satisfied and chomped happily on her snack.

Keeping all this in mind, fast forward to today. I picked Elliana up from school carline armed with the all-important snack. Today, it was an apple. This apple was green and definitely not part of the bunch that resided on our porch over the holidays. Still, my germ obsession had obviously left its mark on my daughter. She bit into the apple, and, with wide eyes and a concerned face said “Mommy, I taste the squirrel's hands!”

Now THAT is a good imagination.

Click

Lately, I enter every room with insta-proofing on my agenda. I quickly remove plugs, close doors and gates, and relocate a few items. Then, Twincy and Twinjay have a portion of the house they can “case” while I attempt to complete a household chore without stepping on them.

This morning, as I was going through this routine, I shut the upstairs bathroom door. This promised that I wouldn’t have to rescue Twinjay from almost “fishing” in the toilet. Then, the babies happily crawled and explored as I put away laundry.

As naptime approached, I started the usual routine of diaper changes. Twincy was first and she had pooped. Lucky for me, there were only about 2 wipes left in the container. So, I made extreme use of the two wipes on hand, and made my way to the bathroom door.

Using my wrist, I pressed down on the door handle lever. To my surprise, it didn’t budge. Apparently, the satisfying click I’d heard when shutting the door earlier had set this stage. And, I could almost guarantee that this was a result of Elliana’s recent desire for “privacy”.

Frequently, she’ll announce she needs privacy as she disappears into the bathroom. Unfortunately, sink potions and stripping nude to furiously scrub clothing in the sink are not rare occurrences in our household. So, at a bare minimum, “drive-by” supervision is required. Naturally, Elliana protests and tries to ensure solitude by locking the door. And, since she hasn’t quite mastered the lock system, I have the added pleasure of this dilemma.  

Fortunately, I was able to get to a bathroom to de-gunk my hands (gate hurdling can now be added to my resume), get the babies to sleep, shower, and pick the lock all before getting Miss E from school. So, we were right on schedule!

…decoded, this means I present the illusion that I have some semblance of order in my world by picking up my child on time.  Sometimes, I even fool myself.

Snapshot

Picture this...

I'm home solo with Elliana and the twins at naptime. I've already had to carry a protesting Elliana out of the park this afternoon, while pushing the double stroller with one arm,  so it's been going really well. We managed to have lunch, get everyone upstairs, and even bathe Twinjay who was plastered in sweet potato. Then, just before it was Elliana's turn to go to nap she announced she had diarrhea. Excellent.

I wasn't sure if this was really true, because she seems to be interested in saying that word lately. After a  short inquiry, I was told that she was sure it was because it was spotty, twisty, and squishy just like mud. Yes, I am over-sharing. But, I had to suffer through this, so you can too.

Our conversation was followed by an extended stay on the potty. I resorted to getting Twincy and Twinjay down for nap while Elliana assured me she needed to remain in the bathroom. Visions of all that could go wrong danced through my head but I quickly ignored them to focus on task numero uno.

Naturally, only one baby fell into a blissful slumber. So, I headed downstairs with Twincy to get my usual: Ergo and a hooded sweatshirt (to create a pitch black "cave" to lull her to sleep). And, because today was going that way, just as Twincy was falling asleep I heard Elliana calling my name. From the foot of the stairs I heard her saying, with only mild enthusiasm "It's exciting because there are two types: poop and diarrhea".

Loving today.

So, I went up the stairs trying not to wake the sleeping baby attached to the front of me. Then, ever so gingerly, I knelt down to help Elliana wipe (again, I suffered through this, so overshare I will!). By some miracle, Twincy's dangling legs stayed clear of the mess, and (drumroll) she stayed asleep for the entire fiasco. I even managed to transfer her to her crib afterwards, get Elliana settled in her bed for nap, and then braced myself for who knows what will come next.

So, there you go.  Just a small glimpse of a few hours from my lens.

From the Mouths of Babes

Elliana was within earshot when I said "Woah" as I began changing Twinjay's poop-filled diaper. She came over to inspect, and, through no fault of her own, her nose was perfectly aligned with the changing table. So, she had a view better than what I'd care to have.

Her response: "Oh, Good Lord"

Then, she backed up several steps, tucked her chin to her chest, and began zipping up her sweatshirt while saying "I better zip up my nose!"

Transcendent

Elliana has been trying to make sense of the whole concept of death. She is often perplexed about it, especially when she sees a relative in pictures and learns that she cannot meet them. Naturally, this works its way into her play. So, when she informed me that both her parents were dead, in an attempt to help her understand the permanence of it, I responded by saying "I'm so sorry. That's very sad."

She looked at me, quite seriously, and said "AND terrible" as if making sure I understood the gravity of the situation. So, I thought we'd made some headway.

She then proceeded to fill me in on the rest:

"My babysitter died too. And all my Grandpeople. And months and months passed but they didn't get better. So, I'm going to take a hot air balloon to go visit them. I know how to visit them."

True to form, this conversation went in a direction I'd never suspected.

Inside Scoop

While we were preparing dinner, Elliana was in the living room with my mom. They were coloring and having a heart-to-heart about some of the changes in our lives this year. My mom commented on how it must be hard, sometimes, alluding to the challenge of having two baby sisters. Elliana's response was:

"It's tough to live here sometimes. We have some real characters around here."

As she said that, she rolled her eyes in our direction. Apparently, she's been putting up with us.

You Fool

Me, of course.

Elliana has basically abandoned her little potty for a bigger throne. So, you can imagine my surprise when she lifted up the lid to reveal a gelatinous substance with a wad of paper stuck in the middle. Apparently, she’d peed quite a while ago and it had never been emptied. The odor was sickening.

So, I quickly whisked the potty pail downstairs to be sanitized. It occurred to me, in a fleeting thought, that it could be dangerous to leave the potty accessible when the pail wasn’t in place. This is especially true because it’s not immediately obvious if the pail is absent. I have to admit, the thought crossed my mind more than once, which should have told me I was on to something. Instead, I dismissed it to attend to more pressing matters. The pail sat, idle, for days.

Along came Wednesday, and with it Elliana was in rare form. She was wound up and ended up spending some time in her room to calm down so we could all coexist safely (a.k.a. not harm her sisters by insane indoor gymnastics or “accidentally” biting one of them). The retreat didn’t seem to bother her at all, and soon she was immersed with dollhouse play.

After a little while, I went upstairs to have a discussion with Elliana about safely playing with her little sisters. However, by the time I was on the top stair, I could see she was fervently trying to clean up her carpet. She looked relieved to see me.

While she’d been playing, she had needed a stool in order to access a portion of her dollhouse. So, she took the bathroom stool into her room. Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be a problem. However, this wasn’t just any stool. It’s the famous potty that doubles as a step stool.  During the course of play, she must have needed to go to the bathroom and decided there was no reason to leave her bedroom since she already had a potty right there.

The pee rode the curve that was intended to hug the potty pail and sailed out onto the carpet. I could see where it clung to the base of the potty and created a puddle line. Elliana also had a partially drenched towel in her hand. Had she saved ALL her pee from the last 12 hours for this?!

There was no time to discuss the downstairs incident, as the carpet needed attention quickly. I extracted the potty from the bedroom and returned it to the bathroom. Then, I raced around for supplies to remove all traces of the urine that now decorated her bedroom floor.

Truly, I had this coming. I didn’t know how, or when, but by leaving the main component of this unit MIA for days…something was bound to happen. Now, I know what.

For Spencer

This year, we renewed our wedding vows, silently, through actions. 

When we learned we were blessed with twins, we shared our surprise and delight.  Then, we spent the next five months trying to manage our world as I struggled with Hypermesis. I limped through daily life, my part-time job, a grad class, and parenting Elliana, while Spencer lifted what I couldn’t, shopped, cooked, and renovated our garage.

After the nausea finally subsided, it was followed by blurred vision and instructions to limit activity. Spencer regularly reminded me to be cautious and became super-husband as he whirled around picking up and preparing.

Finally, I had intense swelling and was put on bedrest. Spencer, along with our super-team of tremendous supporters (especially family and Nanaville), did all that I could not.

Until, at last, Spencer and I welcomed our babies into this world.

Twelve hours later, he waited anxiously as I was rushed to the OR. After two days, and two blood transfusions, I was still so weak that I struggled to hold our babies. Their combined weight was less than 11 lbs. I faced 6-9 months before normal energy levels would resume.

And so, we moved forward.

Three and a half months later, I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease. Spencer continued to cook, clean, and parent as my muscles, joints, and nervous system were taken hostage by this persistent disease. He picked up side jobs when I was too sick to work. We muddled through.

After months of debilitating weakness, I am finally on the road to recovery. 

As our bond grew stronger, so did appreciation for our support system. We are forever grateful to the skilled doctors, kind strangers, and our group of Ville friends. Most importantly, we are indebted to many of our wedding guests. Perhaps more important than witnessing our marriage celebration, they have helped lift us up, and keep us strong.

And, for the times when everyone went home, and it was just us, thank you. It was hard. It is hard. I learned how to accept help. We grew.

In sickness and in health

For richer or poorer

I love this beautiful family we created together.

Parenting 101

I just scored a flying F. I may as well tattoo it on my forehead.  This one may haunt me.

It was naptime, and Spencer and I were both home. He was in the twins’ room and I had been running some dirty diapers and clothes downstairs. I overheard Spencer asking Elliana what she was doing in the bathroom. So, on one of my rounds, I poked my head in and found her on the little potty (which doubles as a step stool). Apparently, she’d decided she needed to use that potty. She looked up at me through the crack in the door, solemnly said “I need privacy”, and closed the door.  I mentioned, to the door, that this was ok but it would need to be cleaned up after (aka empty the potty pail into the big potty afterwards).

Spencer was sure that this was going to be a problem. I, on the other hand, thought it might all be fine. I ran my last armful of clothing downtairs and returned to find Spencer no longer with the babies. Instead, he was at the bathroom door with his mouth hanging wide open and making gagging sounds.

By the time I entered the room, all three of us were staring into the sink. There, plopped right across the drain was an enormous poop. In Elliana’s left hand was the potty pail that collects the waste. In her right hand, and trailing on the floor, was a full-sized bath towel that was wet and poopy.  Apparently, she’d been trying to clean the potty pail but had failed to empty it into the toilet first.

So, in this crucial moment, with no time to spare, I did the WORST thing. It was one of those uncontrollable urges to laugh in response to a shocking situation.  It seized me and took on a life of its own. Between gasps, and poorly concealed giggles, I began guiding Elliana through the clean-up. 

Under normal circumstances, this would be bad. However, Elliana lives to entertain. And, I caught a glimmer in her eye as soon as she saw me laugh. The more I tried to hide it the more the corners of her mouth turned up.

Spencer quickly escorted me out of the room and redirected me to twin nap duty.  I am weak-kneed at the potential repercussions of what just happened.

God help me.

Suit Up

The familiar sound of Elliana’s feet on the stairs greeted me this morning. Yet, her voice reached me before her body did. She called me by first name, as she sometimes does, and proceeded to announce:

“Actually, I peed in my bed.”

Even before entering the room, she assured me that she’d taken care of it. This had my mind racing about all of the potential repercussions to what she just shared. I was about to inquire, but she wasn’t done sharing.

As I turned to see her, indeed, in a fresh set of pajamas, she revealed the rest.

“And, I didn’t want to wear pull-ups, so I put on an under-suit.”

She followed this by lowering her pajama pants to reveal a pair of bathing suit bottoms. They were neon green and aqua with a fairly large ruffle. Apparently, this was the closest thing to “big-girl-underwear” that she could locate.

Then, in a whisper voice, she tilted her head and said “The pull-ups were sleeping”.

20-Minute Dash

I overslept. We ALL overslept. I vaguely remember Spencer waking me to say goodbye. The next thing I knew, Elliana was requesting breakfast. Twincy was curled up next to me, sound asleep. Twinjay, I could now hear, was downstairs crying. I had no idea how long she’d been up, but she was crying LOUD, and I felt AWFUL.  That poor baby! Time to apply a thick layer of guilt impenetrable by reason.

Normally, Elliana’s routine is to go potty and get dressed before heading downstairs. Of course, she chose today to announce she wanted to eat first. That always slows things down and there simply wasn’t time to spare. We all had to get ready, and out the door, ASAP. This meant dressed, breakfast, diaper changes, nursing, the whole works. The likelihood of this happening without a late arrival to school was slim. However, I wasn’t willing to admit defeat yet. And, I am pretty sure I was sleep-walking.

So, I raced downstairs to rescue poor, sad, Twinjay. She quickly cheered (though, even as I write, I still feel bad) and I began changing her diaper. Of course, Twinjay was soaked and needed to be completely changed. She is masterful at detaching her diaper, even through a onesie. I, on the other hand, am not as skilled at re-closing the diaper through clothing. So, I was in a major race against time.

Now, Twincy’s clothes were dry but, while changing, she began to pee. She’s a champion pee-er and I found myself hurrying to secure the diaper in time. It’s not that I wanted her to be stuck in a wet diaper, but I really wanted to avoid another outfit change. I thought something was working my way until I sat her up and realized the pee had gone all over her back. And so, outfit change it was.

Meanwhile, Elliana was firmly resisting bathroom duties with her usual “Pee doesn’t come out!” retort. I calmly reminded her that she needed to try, and also get dressed, before breakfast. To that, her face clouded over and she disappeared into the bathroom. I was NOT confident that she was doing anything productive in there. Trying to speed up a three-year-old is a losing battle.

I returned to something I thought might be more successful – feeding the babies. With no time to get the nursing pillow, I propped them up in bed the best I could. Normally, the two are pretty on-task, but this time Twincy decided to alternate nursing with deep, soul-searching stares. Now, I am ALL for bonding with my children but this was so NOT the time for a leisurely feed!

I had to prematurely end the “session” to locate Elliana. She had decided she needed help with all her morning tasks (after all, her sisters do get that service!). With no time to disagree, and a dizzy feeling taking over me (yes, in major need of food and water), I found myself traipsing upstairs to assist. She was satisfied by my company and complied for everything, even tooth brushing.

Still, there was breakfast to be had, hair to comb, a car to warm, and all 3 kids needed to get into carseats. Not to mention, today was the rare day I scheduled for a friend to visit. Even better, our house looked like a place where laundry goes to die, and my father-in-law was scheduled to arrive in a few hours. 

 

After gathering food for Elliana to eat en-route, I determined that I too must eat or risk doing a face-plant. I seized the box of Raisin Bran and managed to stab a few spoonfuls in while Elliana wasn’t looking.  This was so NOT modeling eating at the table with careful chewing.  Finally, we were out the door!

As if wishing for speed gifted me with delays, I hit the next roadblock. By the time we got to the car, Elliana insisted that she do her own carseat buckle. WHY couldn’t she have exercised this independence INSIDE the house??!? Because, I tell myself, that would have been easy.

After she was secured, I hopped into the driver’s seat and proceeded to glue my stubborn hairs down with Neutrogena Hand Cream.  This guaranteed that fifteen minutes later I’d look like I hadn’t showered in four days. It also cancelled any possibility of skipping a shower before KT arrived. However, my focus was on getting Elliana to school. We were on our way and I was in the zone.

…

For the record, we were totally late.