Wednesday, January 30, 2013


Given how things have been going lately, I'm almost a shoe-in for the next lottery. Literally, my luck is off the charts. So, those of you who had planned on getting tickets may want to step aside. Let the inevitable happen...a windfall in my direction.


Elliana has become enchanted with hide and seek. Each time a visitor comes to the house, she plans out a hiding space far in advance. As her accomplice, I often notify her when someone arrives. Then, quietly, I let the friend know that they just walked into a hide-and-seek zone.

Yesterday, when Miss P arrived at the end of naptime, I went upstairs to wake Elliana so she could hide. As I approached the landing, I was greeted by a foul smell. So, I took a detour to inspect the bathroom. There, in all its glory, was a toilet FILLED with diarrhea. And, oddly, no toilet paper.

Elliana's room was dark and quiet, so I entered cautiously. There she was, cocooned under her bedsheets, already hiding for Miss P. I whispered to her about the bathroom and she agreed that she had just gone (shocker).  Then, I asked if she'd remembered to wipe.

The bedsheet came away from her face. Her eyes looked worried and apologetic. The answer was no.

I am SO LUCKY!!!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Get Your Munch On

This winter, we kept a box of apples on the front porch. For some reason, we ate them more frequently than when they were on the kitchen counter. Not surprisingly, so did the neighborhood squirrels. However, the humans depleted the supply at a much quicker rate. Only occasionally did we see a partially enjoyed stray apple sitting in the middle of the porch or yard.

It wasn’t until we got down to the last two apples that there seemed to be real competition. By this point, the squirrels had also become very bold. Instead of moving the apple to a new snacking location, they now ate the apple while it was in the box. I caught one red-handed.

Catching one in the act turned my stomach a bit. I didn’t mind sharing the fruit but I wanted distinctly different eating areas. So, I decided to snatch the last untouched apple and bring it inside for a thorough cleaning. By the time I was done, I still wasn’t convinced, so I removed the peel. I understand this may have been excessive, but there are many things in my life these days that are out of my control. So, I took this opportunity to channel my inner cleaning demon.

Unsurprisingly, Elliana asked why I had removed the apple peel from her slices. I simply explained with a diluted version of squirrels, people food, and a concern for germs. She seemed satisfied and chomped happily on her snack.

Keeping all this in mind, fast forward to today. I picked Elliana up from school carline armed with the all-important snack. Today, it was an apple. This apple was green and definitely not part of the bunch that resided on our porch over the holidays. Still, my germ obsession had obviously left its mark on my daughter. She bit into the apple, and, with wide eyes and a concerned face said “Mommy, I taste the squirrel's hands!”

Now THAT is a good imagination.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013


Lately, I enter every room with insta-proofing on my agenda. I quickly remove plugs, close doors and gates, and relocate a few items. Then, Twincy and Twinjay have a portion of the house they can “case” while I attempt to complete a household chore without stepping on them.

This morning, as I was going through this routine, I shut the upstairs bathroom door. This promised that I wouldn’t have to rescue Twinjay from almost “fishing” in the toilet. Then, the babies happily crawled and explored as I put away laundry.

As naptime approached, I started the usual routine of diaper changes. Twincy was first and she had pooped. Lucky for me, there were only about 2 wipes left in the container. So, I made extreme use of the two wipes on hand, and made my way to the bathroom door.

Using my wrist, I pressed down on the door handle lever. To my surprise, it didn’t budge. Apparently, the satisfying click I’d heard when shutting the door earlier had set this stage. And, I could almost guarantee that this was a result of Elliana’s recent desire for “privacy”.

Frequently, she’ll announce she needs privacy as she disappears into the bathroom. Unfortunately, sink potions and stripping nude to furiously scrub clothing in the sink are not rare occurrences in our household. So, at a bare minimum, “drive-by” supervision is required. Naturally, Elliana protests and tries to ensure solitude by locking the door. And, since she hasn’t quite mastered the lock system, I have the added pleasure of this dilemma.  

Fortunately, I was able to get to a bathroom to de-gunk my hands (gate hurdling can now be added to my resume), get the babies to sleep, shower, and pick the lock all before getting Miss E from school. So, we were right on schedule!

…decoded, this means I present the illusion that I have some semblance of order in my world by picking up my child on time.  Sometimes, I even fool myself.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013


Picture this...

I'm home solo with Elliana and the twins at naptime. I've already had to carry a protesting Elliana out of the park this afternoon, while pushing the double stroller with one arm,  so it's been going really well. We managed to have lunch, get everyone upstairs, and even bathe Twinjay who was plastered in sweet potato. Then, just before it was Elliana's turn to go to nap she announced she had diarrhea. Excellent.

I wasn't sure if this was really true, because she seems to be interested in saying that word lately. After a  short inquiry, I was told that she was sure it was because it was spotty, twisty, and squishy just like mud. Yes, I am over-sharing. But, I had to suffer through this, so you can too.

Our conversation was followed by an extended stay on the potty. I resorted to getting Twincy and Twinjay down for nap while Elliana assured me she needed to remain in the bathroom. Visions of all that could go wrong danced through my head but I quickly ignored them to focus on task numero uno.

Naturally, only one baby fell into a blissful slumber. So, I headed downstairs with Twincy to get my usual: Ergo and a hooded sweatshirt (to create a pitch black "cave" to lull her to sleep). And, because today was going that way, just as Twincy was falling asleep I heard Elliana calling my name. From the foot of the stairs I heard her saying, with only mild enthusiasm "It's exciting because there are two types: poop and diarrhea".

Loving today.

So, I went up the stairs trying not to wake the sleeping baby attached to the front of me. Then, ever so gingerly, I knelt down to help Elliana wipe (again, I suffered through this, so overshare I will!). By some miracle, Twincy's dangling legs stayed clear of the mess, and (drumroll) she stayed asleep for the entire fiasco. I even managed to transfer her to her crib afterwards, get Elliana settled in her bed for nap, and then braced myself for who knows what will come next.

So, there you go.  Just a small glimpse of a few hours from my lens.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

From the Mouths of Babes

Elliana was within earshot when I said "Woah" as I began changing Twinjay's poop-filled diaper. She came over to inspect, and, through no fault of her own, her nose was perfectly aligned with the changing table. So, she had a view better than what I'd care to have.

Her response: "Oh, Good Lord"

Then, she backed up several steps, tucked her chin to her chest, and began zipping up her sweatshirt while saying "I better zip up my nose!"