Sunday, April 28, 2013

Ho Hum

Lest you think things have gotten dull around here, I assure you that's not the case. Twincy and Twinjay are now mobile. It's that scary, almost-walking, mode of transportation. They scale furniture and walls while simultaneously emptying bookshelves and bins. The end result is a near death trap at every turn.

Meanwhile, Elliana has all but given up napping. While I first met this phase with extreme denial, there is a silver lining. She is sleeping better at night now.

As for the rents, we don't exactly qualify as rested. Spencer, in particular, seems to be in need of more sleep. This is highlighted by two almost back-to-back incidents:

1. I was heading off to work one day and I heard someone honking and yelling. I looked in the rearview mirror and confirmed that it was the car directly behind my vehicle. However, I couldn't figure out what they were yelling about. I finally figured out that they thought my purse was on the back of the car. Clearly, this was not true. My purse was behaving itself in the passenger seat. Still, the yeller seemed near-frantic. So, I got out of the car and, lo and behold, there was a pottery mug and a lunch bag still sitting upright on the trunk of the car. They had made it out the driveway and down the hill intact! And, you guessed it, they belong to my weary husband.

2. The other night, as I came downstairs from putting Twincy and Twinjay down, I heard a semi-racket in the kitchen. Then, Spencer's head and arms appeared at the window as he huffed and puffed and pulled himself through head first. I was surprised, and perplexed, as he explained that he was locked out and had been running around trying to find an open window. This would make sense, except he'd crawled in two feet away from a wide open screen door.

Tired much?

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Elixir of the Gods

So, our second "night" away from the kids since Twincy and Twinjay were born was spent at the ER. And, once I was able to carry on a conversation, I learned a trivia nugget from our chatty nurse that is definitely worth sharing.

Apparently, the nurse was a fraternal twin and her mother had used Clomid when trying to conceive. Now, I wasn't familiar with Clomid, but nurse chatty was eager to fill me in. The secret ingredient? Urine from Italian nuns!

That's right, friends, Google that!

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Creative License

After working hard on an art project, and fringing the edges with scissors, which are her most recent craze, Elliana announced

"Whatever it is, it's finished"

Friday, March 22, 2013

Being 4

On the car ride to school today, I overheard our neighbor telling Elliana:

"Hey Elliana, when I need gum, I get it from my nose"

I am still cringing...

Monday, March 4, 2013


Spencer has an excellent sense of humor and he LOVES getting me to laugh. Tonight, as I was getting ready for bed, the usual happened: a baby cried. This is inevitable. It doesn't matter what time I choose to lay down. They sleep on a different floor, there is no routine "sound" that I've made yet. It's as though they hear my thoughts. And, lately, Spencer has been sharing more of the night-waking duties.  Twincy and Twinjay are NOT on board for that plan. They let him know, under no uncertain terms, that they are mad. Oh yes, 2am is not too early in their book to spend an hour protesting.

This evening, when I came back downstairs, I noticed the laptop was slightly open. Curiosity got the best of me, as Spencer must have banked on, so I took a peek. There was Spencer's message, filling the entire screen:

Dear Twins,

What did we ever do to you?


I am Ass-tired

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Beating Around the Bush

We were sitting in the living room, playing, and I began to sing. It wasn't loud, or obtrusive, so I thought.

Within seconds, Elliana looked me square in the eyes and said, as though just delivering a message:

"If you sing, there will be a fire drill and you'll have pain"

It worked. I stopped instantly, mostly from shock. I have to hand it to her, she sure knows how to give it to you straight.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Stuff It

Dear Twinjay,

The world is not meant to be your buffet. Labels should not adorn the roof of your mouth. Paper is not a precursor for chewing gum. Balled up string, fuzz, and random pebbles should not be keeping your tongue company. And, the crumbs from Elliana's chocolate dessert were not intended to multi-purpose as a snack, lipstick, and body paint.

Please, please, give it a rest.



Wednesday, February 6, 2013

What Goes In...

I have been blessed, yet again,  with a child who puts EVERYTHING in her mouth. Yes, I know babies put things in their mouths. But, I see other kids. I talk to other moms. This is bordering on "you can never turn your back or close your eyes, ever, unless she is asleep".

Unlike the puffy ladybug sticker, which arrived fully in-tact in Twinjay's poopy diaper, this time I caught her red-handed. Literally.

I was in the kitchen getting lunch ready. When I circled back through the living room, I was greeted by red. Twinjay had red on her hands, her mouth, and she was obviously eating something. To my horror, I realized it was a pastel that had fallen out of Elliana's art supplies.

Oh, yes, within seconds I had her on her back with her nose pinched shut to unclamp that mouth. Her saliva and the paper towel extended the life of the pastel like only an artist could enjoy. I, on the other hand, was having a very hard time determining how much of this seemingly endless product had been ingested.

Poison Control suggested I give her liquids to dilute it and watch her for an hour to see if her stomach hurt. That was super helpful. I am sure my 11-month old teething baby with a head cold is going to make a specific new cry just to let me know it's her tummy that's bothering her.

The pediatrician's office referred me back to Poison Control. The Internet made my head swim. My sister provided remote moral support.

I was left with following PC's uber-helpful advice while bracing myself for the potential repercussions of this act. I can only imagine Spencer's reaction if Twinjay starts peeing, pooping, or vomiting red.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013


Given how things have been going lately, I'm almost a shoe-in for the next lottery. Literally, my luck is off the charts. So, those of you who had planned on getting tickets may want to step aside. Let the inevitable happen...a windfall in my direction.


Elliana has become enchanted with hide and seek. Each time a visitor comes to the house, she plans out a hiding space far in advance. As her accomplice, I often notify her when someone arrives. Then, quietly, I let the friend know that they just walked into a hide-and-seek zone.

Yesterday, when Miss P arrived at the end of naptime, I went upstairs to wake Elliana so she could hide. As I approached the landing, I was greeted by a foul smell. So, I took a detour to inspect the bathroom. There, in all its glory, was a toilet FILLED with diarrhea. And, oddly, no toilet paper.

Elliana's room was dark and quiet, so I entered cautiously. There she was, cocooned under her bedsheets, already hiding for Miss P. I whispered to her about the bathroom and she agreed that she had just gone (shocker).  Then, I asked if she'd remembered to wipe.

The bedsheet came away from her face. Her eyes looked worried and apologetic. The answer was no.

I am SO LUCKY!!!

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Get Your Munch On

This winter, we kept a box of apples on the front porch. For some reason, we ate them more frequently than when they were on the kitchen counter. Not surprisingly, so did the neighborhood squirrels. However, the humans depleted the supply at a much quicker rate. Only occasionally did we see a partially enjoyed stray apple sitting in the middle of the porch or yard.

It wasn’t until we got down to the last two apples that there seemed to be real competition. By this point, the squirrels had also become very bold. Instead of moving the apple to a new snacking location, they now ate the apple while it was in the box. I caught one red-handed.

Catching one in the act turned my stomach a bit. I didn’t mind sharing the fruit but I wanted distinctly different eating areas. So, I decided to snatch the last untouched apple and bring it inside for a thorough cleaning. By the time I was done, I still wasn’t convinced, so I removed the peel. I understand this may have been excessive, but there are many things in my life these days that are out of my control. So, I took this opportunity to channel my inner cleaning demon.

Unsurprisingly, Elliana asked why I had removed the apple peel from her slices. I simply explained with a diluted version of squirrels, people food, and a concern for germs. She seemed satisfied and chomped happily on her snack.

Keeping all this in mind, fast forward to today. I picked Elliana up from school carline armed with the all-important snack. Today, it was an apple. This apple was green and definitely not part of the bunch that resided on our porch over the holidays. Still, my germ obsession had obviously left its mark on my daughter. She bit into the apple, and, with wide eyes and a concerned face said “Mommy, I taste the squirrel's hands!”

Now THAT is a good imagination.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013


Lately, I enter every room with insta-proofing on my agenda. I quickly remove plugs, close doors and gates, and relocate a few items. Then, Twincy and Twinjay have a portion of the house they can “case” while I attempt to complete a household chore without stepping on them.

This morning, as I was going through this routine, I shut the upstairs bathroom door. This promised that I wouldn’t have to rescue Twinjay from almost “fishing” in the toilet. Then, the babies happily crawled and explored as I put away laundry.

As naptime approached, I started the usual routine of diaper changes. Twincy was first and she had pooped. Lucky for me, there were only about 2 wipes left in the container. So, I made extreme use of the two wipes on hand, and made my way to the bathroom door.

Using my wrist, I pressed down on the door handle lever. To my surprise, it didn’t budge. Apparently, the satisfying click I’d heard when shutting the door earlier had set this stage. And, I could almost guarantee that this was a result of Elliana’s recent desire for “privacy”.

Frequently, she’ll announce she needs privacy as she disappears into the bathroom. Unfortunately, sink potions and stripping nude to furiously scrub clothing in the sink are not rare occurrences in our household. So, at a bare minimum, “drive-by” supervision is required. Naturally, Elliana protests and tries to ensure solitude by locking the door. And, since she hasn’t quite mastered the lock system, I have the added pleasure of this dilemma.  

Fortunately, I was able to get to a bathroom to de-gunk my hands (gate hurdling can now be added to my resume), get the babies to sleep, shower, and pick the lock all before getting Miss E from school. So, we were right on schedule!

…decoded, this means I present the illusion that I have some semblance of order in my world by picking up my child on time.  Sometimes, I even fool myself.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013


Picture this...

I'm home solo with Elliana and the twins at naptime. I've already had to carry a protesting Elliana out of the park this afternoon, while pushing the double stroller with one arm,  so it's been going really well. We managed to have lunch, get everyone upstairs, and even bathe Twinjay who was plastered in sweet potato. Then, just before it was Elliana's turn to go to nap she announced she had diarrhea. Excellent.

I wasn't sure if this was really true, because she seems to be interested in saying that word lately. After a  short inquiry, I was told that she was sure it was because it was spotty, twisty, and squishy just like mud. Yes, I am over-sharing. But, I had to suffer through this, so you can too.

Our conversation was followed by an extended stay on the potty. I resorted to getting Twincy and Twinjay down for nap while Elliana assured me she needed to remain in the bathroom. Visions of all that could go wrong danced through my head but I quickly ignored them to focus on task numero uno.

Naturally, only one baby fell into a blissful slumber. So, I headed downstairs with Twincy to get my usual: Ergo and a hooded sweatshirt (to create a pitch black "cave" to lull her to sleep). And, because today was going that way, just as Twincy was falling asleep I heard Elliana calling my name. From the foot of the stairs I heard her saying, with only mild enthusiasm "It's exciting because there are two types: poop and diarrhea".

Loving today.

So, I went up the stairs trying not to wake the sleeping baby attached to the front of me. Then, ever so gingerly, I knelt down to help Elliana wipe (again, I suffered through this, so overshare I will!). By some miracle, Twincy's dangling legs stayed clear of the mess, and (drumroll) she stayed asleep for the entire fiasco. I even managed to transfer her to her crib afterwards, get Elliana settled in her bed for nap, and then braced myself for who knows what will come next.

So, there you go.  Just a small glimpse of a few hours from my lens.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

From the Mouths of Babes

Elliana was within earshot when I said "Woah" as I began changing Twinjay's poop-filled diaper. She came over to inspect, and, through no fault of her own, her nose was perfectly aligned with the changing table. So, she had a view better than what I'd care to have.

Her response: "Oh, Good Lord"

Then, she backed up several steps, tucked her chin to her chest, and began zipping up her sweatshirt while saying "I better zip up my nose!"